Hello my Friends!
Welcome back to the blog. In this post, I share some thoughts on how to be more approachable, what activities I use and which are the ones I still need to work on.
Let’s get started.
This is a really important section to me. I always lived in a good balance between social and my self-entertaining life. With my friends, we have a common interest in video games, but also to gather together and hang out.
More than ten years ago, there was a day, where I made a decision and turned out to be one of the first regrets of my life.
This day I prioritized the video game ahead of my friends. Doing so, causing me a lonesome night… Let me explain.
That day, we had a really good afternoon at a place near to our hometown, where my friend’s and my dad’s band was giving a concert. After the concert, there was a possibility of a sleepover as my friend’s family owned the place.
I – for some reason – instantly said no to the possibility, because I really felt that tonight we should have been playing instead of having a real-life party. I know, what a stupid thought… Seeing my friends not supporting my idea, I decided to go home alone.
This occasion was given and would have been providing a perfect opportunity to preserve this day as an amazing memory with my friends. Instead, it gave me a life-long lesson.
I think I do not have to mention, that I was online only by myself, and I could only think about the mistake I made. I’ve never felt as lonely as that night.
I always remember this day as a good teacher. Teaching the first and most important rule that counts to me:
Be more accessible.
It was one night, one occasion, but giving me a big slap in my face, teaching me how to avoid this situation again.
Showing up, being part of the group life, or just putting down your headphones, when someone talks to you, giving them your full attention will make you more accessible. Your family, friends, and co-workers will see you care to be with them, so they will claim on your company more.
It is ok, to play out the busy card a few times, but if you do regularly, people will start to feel, that you are too busy to hang out or even talk with them, so they will lose interest quickly.
Always give your full attention.
Start being accessible, call out your long-seen friend, visit your family, be there for them.
This is a recurring topic on my Blog. Smile has a huge influental effect on you and your environtment, use it.
Giving a smiley face will express yourself to your milieu as a happy and kind person. Besides that, who does not want to spend his or her time with someone who has always an ear-to-ear smile on the face.
There are several studies about smiling. When you crack a smile, millions of neurotransmitters will be fired up and start producing your feeling-good hormones (such as dopamine, endorphins, and serotonin).
Smile is contagious. Seeing someone smile will make your brain active in the aforementioned areas, trying to reach similar results to boost your mood as well.
Try to be the first to smile in the group, but be aware to do so in the appropriate moments. Your goal is to appear more friendly and approachable, not strange and creepy.
I love smiling and the way it effects people around me to better. I mostly overdo this rather not to do it at all. This is a habit, which I constantly apply and I am not planning to change it very soon.
Utilize Your Body Language
This section could be very long as many experts and articles are providing information about how powerful technique body language is in many situations.
For me, the most important and used body language is firm eye contact when you have a connection with someone or a group of people.
There are numberless ways to do this. When I talk to an individual, my method is giving full attention by showing a firm eye contact and nodding occasionally. This gives a message to the partner, that you care what he or she says, providing confidence to carry on.
When I talk in front of a group, I always use the 3 seconds rule. Nobody loves to be excluded from the group conversation.
The easiest way to include everyone in the conversation is if you switch eye contact every 3 seconds during your talk. It will provide everyone equal attention by you, and nobody will feel like an outsider.
Once you pay your attention to the conversation partners, you have nothing else to do, but honestly listen to what they say.
How many family members, friends, and colleagues do you have, that you talked to several times but still have no clue, what is their favorite hobbies, food, or personal interests? Unfortunately, I have a few. I’m working on it…
I agree this is difficult to always give full attention and even memorize all or even much of the information about other’s stories.
The best way to start practicing is during introduction.
Remember the other party’s name.
Nowadays, I am extra careful during the introduction. When I exchange a hand-shake, I try to memorize the name as possible, as it can give a huge boost to your relationship if you are able to call the person by his or her name from the beginning.
Save the first name instantly after the first phone call, or conversation and surprise them by starting a conversation with their name. They will appreciate this kind of endeavor. 🙂
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Have a good one! 🙂